The Tragedy of Perfection: Feelings Disappear
by The Dragon's Scribe
Summary: To be perfect, he needed to separate himself from the distractions. He knew that he couldn't be their brother and their leader. One-shot following "The Tragedy of Perfection". Leocentric.


**A/N: A few lovely reviewers requested that I continue The Tragedy of Perfection, and this is what I offer as appeasement. If people still want, I can combine this with The Tragedy of Perfection and extend it as an actual short story. Just pop me up a review and I'll go about it. The original purpose of The Tragedy of Perfection was just a character analysis, though, keep that in mind. Thanks for the positive feed-back, and please read on.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the TMNT.**

* * *

Leo sat alone in his room, his shell leaning against the wall while he sat on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He could hear his brothers in the other room, talking in hushed tones—without him. He sighed and closed his eyes as he shuffled to make himself more comfortable. That was the usual. He was their leader after all, not really one of them at this point.

He crossed his arms in front of his plastron as he contemplated his conversation with Raphael during the middle of that thunderstorm. He sighed again and tapped his head against the wall. It could have gone better. He had opened up to Raph. He was the leader. He wasn't supposed to do that. He had to keep distant from his brothers and watch them from afar. Any slip of judgment would make them question his decisions and it would impair his ability to keep them safe. Leo opened his eyes and glanced at the clock on the nightstand next to his bed.

It was 23:30. Nearly midnight. He hadn't stripped his gear off yet, even his katanas were still strapped to his shell. He just didn't want to sleep—he had too much on his mind.

_"You don't get it!"_

He glanced at his door, hearing escalating voices. They were arguing again. He dropped his arms to his sides and counted to ten, hoping the argument would end before he was done counting down.

One.

_"He ain't acting normal!"_

Two.

_"And that's supposed to be our fault, Raph?"_

Three.

_"Well I don't see ya tryin' t'help him!"_

Four.

_"Dude, he's just being him."_

Five.

_"I can't believe you guys! Can't you see that there's somethin' wrong with him?!"_

Leo slid off the side of his bed and released a breath as he started for the door. They were going to wake up Master Splinter at this rate—if the ninja master wasn't already awake. Leo opened his door and closed it behind himself quietly. He moved downstairs, following his brothers' loud and agitated voices.

He made it to the kitchen and stood watching his brothers with his arms crossed in front of his plastron.

Raph had his finger pressed against Don's plastron accusingly while Don had a frown on his gentle features as he leaned against the counter, bracing himself on it with his hands. Mikey sat at the table munching on an assortment of candies and cookies.

"Can you guys lower your voices? Master Splinter is trying to sleep, alright." Leo interjected calmly with a soft tone, knowing just the right tone of voice to calm his brothers down.

Just as he predicted, Raph backed off of Don and muttered something under his breath. His amber gaze turned on Leo and his mouth twitched as he shoved past Leo, roughly bumping his shoulder into his older brother's more out of habit than actual intention.

He paused and turned around, looking a bit guilty. He glanced at the ground and back at Leo as he opened his mouth to say something. Leo only smiled and waved it off.

"It's fine, Raph." He said with that soft smile. Raph stared at him for a moment before nodding and turning around, heading to his room.

Leo turned on his two younger brothers. "You guys should get some sleep, alright? We have an early morning run tomorrow."

Mikey groaned. "Your early is two in the morning, Leo. C'mon, cut us a break." He whined as he dropped his face into the bowl of candy. Don chuckled and lifted his mug of coffee to his lips. "For once, I agree with Mikey. Besides it's soaking wet out there and the tunnels are probably gonna be flooded from that nasty storm." He said before sipping some of his coffee. "And I need to get to work on fixing up that toaster again."

Leo raised a brow as Don moved past him, patting Leo on the shoulder as he exited the kitchen. Leo turned to his youngest brother, who currently had his face planted in a bowl of candy. The blue masked turtle approached his brother, patting Mikey's shell.

"Mikey, come on. You can't put your face in that candy and pretend I'm not here." Leo said gently.

"That's a double negative so technically I can pretend you're not here." Mikey's muffled voice came from the candy bowl.

Leo gave his brother a dubious look. "Have you been talking to Don a lot?"

Mikey picked his head up from out of the candy, frowning at Leo with a tootsie roll sticking out of the corner of his mouth. "Just because I know something doesn't mean I learned it from Don, y'know. I'm not the idiot you guys seem to think I am."

The blue masked turtle pulled out a chair and sat down next to his younger brother. He braced his elbows on his thighs and leaned in, looking Mikey in the eye. "Mikey, no one thinks you're an idiot."

Mikey leaned back in the chair. "I know." He yawned.

Leo's brows furrowed. "So, what's this really about, then?"

Mikey picked the tootsie roll out of his mouth and studied Leo carefully. "Raph thinks something's up with you. What do you think, Leo?"

Leo leaned back in the chair and sighed. He closed his eyes for a moment as he bowed his head and crossed his arms in front of his plastron. He had to keep distant. It was his duty as the leader. No one could know his faults. Not his brothers and not his father. If they knew his faults, they would worry and they would become distracted. He couldn't afford to lose that protection for them. He was supposed to be the infallible big brother—not the one with emotional problems. He really wished Raph had kept his mouth shut. He wished that he had kept his mouth shut on that rooftop.

He opened his eyes and glanced Mikey over, a smirk creasing his features. "Mikey, when doesn't Raph think there's something up with me?"

Mikey shrugged. "I dunno. Maybe he's fed up with your meditation and all that other boring stuff you do." He said with a snicker.

A pang of pain lanced through Leo's chest at the comment but he ignored it and chuckled. "Yeah, I am pretty boring."

Mikey grinned. "I can't think of anything more boring, bro. So… any chance we can skip out on the death race tomorrow?"

Leo offered his brother a raised brow. Training was the one thing he wouldn't budge on. Mikey groaned at Leo's stubborn expression and rose from his chair like a zombie from an open grave. He grabbed his bowl of candy and shuffled out of the kitchen.

"I'm gonna poison your tea, bro." He called over his shoulder as he made his way up to his room.

Leo only chuckled in response before he dropped his brown gaze to the table top. He released a heavy sigh and leaned on the table, staring at the wood grain. He ran his fingers down the length of the wood, feeling every crack and nick in the wood. He paused as he felt a particularly heavy dent in the wood. He glanced at it and exhaled in memory. He closed his eyes as he remembered the cause of it.

~.~.~.~

Two Years Earlier

_"Leo, people are out there dying! Doesn't that mean anything to you?" Mikey snapped at Leo in uncharacteristic aggression._

_The blue masked turtle crossed his arms in front of his plastron with a heavy sigh. Of course it meant something to him. He didn't want people dying. He didn't like the thought of anyone dying. But if he let his brothers go out in the city right now, they would die. He couldn't afford to risk their lives like that._

_"Mikey, you know it's not safe up there right now—and we're in no condition to go battle it out ourselves. Raph just got shot, Mikey. I can't let that happen again to anyone else in this family." Leo replied sternly. He was sixteen—he still hadn't quite learned the right tone of voice to calm his brothers down._

_The orange masked turtle crossed his own arms in front of his plastron and looked away with a frustrated pout. "Raph wouldn't have been shot if it weren't for your stupid plan, Leo." He muttered darkly._

_Leo tensed at that, anger rising in his chest. He closed his eyes and released a huff of breath before opening them again and watching Mikey carefully. "It had nothing to with plans, Michelangelo. He got shot. I won't stand idle and watch another one of my brothers get hurt."_

_Mikey turned on him, tears were in his eyes. "By keeping us here, you're killing us! You think that just because we're physically okay means that we're okay! We know that we could be stopping all of those people from dying—but instead; we're here because you won't let us go out and protect them! We've got those peoples' blood on __**OUR**__ hands, Leo! Every person that dies takes a part of us with him!"_

_The leader looked away. "Mikey, their blood is on the hands of the people who killed them." He said, though the guilt was beginning to get under his skin._

_"No! Actually—their blood is on your hands! You're killing all of those people! Police officers! Firemen! Mothers! Children!" Mikey shouted at him angrily, tears blurring his vision._

_Leo felt something cold rise in his throat and he whirled on his brother, gripping Mikey by the shoulders and slamming his shell into the kitchen table. "It isn't my fault, Mikey! I'm doing the best I can! I'm trying to protect you! Why can't you understand that?!" He shouted angrily at Mikey's shocked expression, shaking his brother with each word that fell from his mouth._

_"Leonardo! That is enough!" Master Splinter's voice barked from the entrance to the kitchen._

_Leo turned his glare on his sensei and back to Mikey. He dropped his hands to his sides and moved back from his baby brother until his shell hit the wall. His head was bowed low, hiding his shameful expression from Mikey's wide blue eyes._

_He snapped under the pressure. He was too emotionally involved. He couldn't afford that—not when his brothers' lives were at stake._

_Mikey straightened and glanced from Master Splinter to Leo. "Sensei, I," Mikey began._

_"I was being unreasonable, Master. I lost my temper and struck out at Michelangelo. He was only trying to offer his opinion." Leo interrupted in that calm tone of his, not moving._

_Mikey turned to stare at Leo uncertainly. His older brother didn't meet his gaze._

_Master Splinter glanced between the two. "Very well, Michelangelo, you may go to Raphael and Donatello. I will speak with Leonardo."_

_Mikey glanced back at Leo but nodded. "Alright." He said as he made his way out of the room. He paused and glanced at Leo again. He opened his mouth to say something but shut it and exited the room._

_The blue masked terrapin glanced up at Master Splinter and dropped his gaze back to the floor in defeat._

~.~.~.~

Leo opened his eyes and stood up from the table, gently pushing his chair back in. He turned and exited the room. He had made many mistakes in his previous years. He had learned from them.

Attacking Mikey like that had been a mistake. It was definitely provoked, Mikey had worn him down with accusations and had really screwed with his head that day—but Leo shouldn't have allowed himself to slip in his judgment. He had been emotionally attached at that moment. He had been stupid.

He knew now. He was glad for the reminder of what was important.

Leo walked up the stairs ever so carefully as his thoughts cooled and calmed.

He couldn't afford to lose his place as the leader and slip back into the role of a brother. He couldn't afford to lose sight of what really mattered.

His perfection.

He was nothing to his brothers without perfection. No emotional attachment, no guilt, no remorse. He had to be above that. He couldn't allow the emotions to remain beyond the stains of time. He couldn't take what would make him an ineffective leader.

He couldn't take what would make him lose his brothers.

~.~.~.~

One Week Later

Raphael knelt with his hands on his knees, sweat beaded his skin and he was panting with exertion. He glanced at his brothers and smirked.

Mikey was sprawled out on the floor, his chest heaving and his eyes closed as he tried to sleep his exhaustion away.

Don stood with his shell to the wall, chuckling at Mikey's prone form. The genius looked tired and spent from the early morning run. He glanced at Raph and offered his older brother a thumb's up. "Looks like we survived the run, huh, Raph?"

Raph grinned and returned the gesture. "Looks like Fearless is losing his edge." He turned to his older brother who stood with his arms crossed in front of his plastron, watching them with a bemused expression. The blue masked turtle was covered in a thin sheen of sweat, but otherwise looked like he had been sitting the run out.

Don laughed. "I don't think so, Raph. I think he's just going easy on us this morning." He said as he turned to regard Mikey. "I think I'd better take him in before he passes out." He muttered as helped Mikey to his feet. "Mikey, quit it, Leo's not gonna make you run again, you drama queen."

Leo sighed and shook his head. "Talk about me like I'm not even here." He said as Don helped Mikey into the lair, leaving Raph and Leo in the tunnel outside of the lair.

Raph chuckled and stood up, walking over to his older brother and slapping his hand on Leo's shoulder. Leo raised a brow and glanced at him. Raph grinned.

"Taking it easy on us, huh? You barely broke a sweat, Leo."

Leo rolled his eyes and brushed Raph's hand off his shoulder. "Oh give it a rest; you guys could barely keep up. Maybe the next run should be fifteen miles instead of ten since you guys think it was so easy."

Raph raised a brow at the immediate reaction to him trying to make some sort of physical contact with his brother. He looked Leo over. "Yer' a bit touchy this mornin', huh."

Leo frowned at his brother. "Raph, what are you going on about?"

The red masked turtle shrugged his shoulders and looked away before turning back to face Leo. "Ever since that night in the thunderstorm, it's like you're avoiding us. You don't wanna talk to us. You don't wanna be around us unless it has t'do with training. What's up, Leo?"

The leader shook his head with a sigh. "Raph, I don't know what you think is wrong. You've known me for eighteen years now and I haven't changed any of my habits."

Raph nodded. "That's just the thing. I never noticed how self-destructive yer' "habits" were until a few months ago. I don't know why I didn't notice it before, and I'm sorry about that. But I'm here now, Leo, and I know that you've been keeping a lot of things to yourself. Leo. I can help ya'. You can talk t'me—I won't judge ya'. I won't make fun of ya', bro."

Leonardo's features had hardened and he turned his gaze to the tunnel wall. He was silent for a moment, and Raph stood there patiently waiting for his brother to speak.

"This is my burden to bear, Raphael. Not yours. Leave it alone." Leo all but bit out in a cool and even tone. He strode past Raph, hitting the red masked turtle's shoulder with his own.

Raph stared after his brother, not angry and not spiteful. He was shocked at Leo's cold reaction to his offered help.

~.~.~.~

"I know the frustration and the disappointment of not being able to help your brother, Raph." Casey commented with a wave of his wrench. Grease and oil was spattered on his face. "Just try a little harder, man, I mean Leo ain't a stupid guy—er—turtle."

Raph sighed and stood up from his place next to his shell cycle, glancing at Casey with worried amber eyes. "Case', this isn't just about helping him. I don't think that's gonna make a difference at this point."

Casey frowned at that and leaned on the work bench, facing Raph. "Why d'ya say that, man?"

Raph wiped the grease from his hands with an old rag before facing Casey. "Because I don't think he wants help. I don't think he wants to change."


End file.
